i think its some high time i seriously need to do reflection and skew things back to the so called right path..
maybe start w less serious things 1st? well..im a graduate now...results were out on tues, e day before..its below what i expected actually..i've got dist for international business, A for personal selling, B+ for hrm n service marketing B for IM and IMC..but well..kinda expected too though..cos i jus hoped to score better but come to think of it..i din put in tt much effort to acheive As and Distinctions..like the saying goes, the more hopes u hold the higher the disappointment will be..but well..what else can i expect for..i can only say, its not bad results or even good results but disappointing ones too..n at least my gpa din drop..it din went up either..its exactly the same..haiiz..and oh well..not forgetting my favorite module that has no credits, Calculas..distinction of cos..but well..no credits so it did no good nor bad to my gpa..hopefully it helps in any of e uni application..but i don think so..it only helps after u get in into e uni..in anycase..at least calculas dint disappoint me cos i really aimed to get an A for tis.. toking abt results..i realise this is the only sem i think that non examinable modules scored As and above..al along..examinable modules always do much better than non examinable ones...hmmm..
recently..somehow or rather..the essence of happy or fun or what life should actually be is missing..mayb i have been counting on myself too much rather than on living on God's mercy and grace..have i changed recently?maybe someone can jus tell me..otherwise y do everything seems to be different this few wks? everything jus seems distant..its not like everything goes wrong but jus the absent of something which i dunno how to describe.. however, one thing for sure, i have been a disappointment recently and i know God's disappointed w me..v much disappointed w me..n im disappointed w myself too..but jus how shd i go abt to make these stuff change for the better?
im passing everyday like im wasting my time..i dunno..like i said everything jus don seem to feel right or they arent right..but they arent exactly wrong either..i dunno...
我该做些什么样的决定? 而你为什么偏偏要把情形弄的家不想家, 有家却不能回, 有家却不想回呢?家不想家, 亲不想亲. 为什么每没次都要做些让我无法不恨你? 我该这样爱你才是对的, 才是最好的方法, 也才不会让自己受伤害, 或把伤害降到最底呢?
I SUPER HATE PPL PUTTING AEROPLANES.
I CAN BE SUPER NICE TO U AND GIVING U EVERYTHING.
BUT DON U DARE TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.
EITHER THAT OR I SUCK BIG TIME.
life isnt easy nor smooth recently...its a learning experience though..
ultimate camp was pretty fun i guess..n some how within those night talks, within those night briefings and meetings..i realize things arent tt simple after all..the simple game of ultimate, the club full of love and bonds are now full of politics..its feels and seems as if the club's gonna fall, the club's gonna lose the championship title...there are so many many many issues..its like where's the time where we play becos of passion?becos of friendships, becos of each and every teammate becos its ultimate?
in the camp, we had this letter box and where u could put msges into it for the person..some were really encouraging, some really nice and motivating, but some kind of brings a person down..but ytd, i never regretted leaving camp early to church..becos He taught me, showed me, comforted me and bring me back once again.since the time i step into the church, the time i sat in the room for cet lesson where bro james started his lesson on the call of leadership, everything started to come..boom boom boom.the center of my heart so strongly that i cant deny anything. its all for sure, God's targetting at me..bro james also shared abt the attitude of insufficiency and humanity. it hit directly at the v root of the issue.cet ended, went on for youth service. the moment we started, He came again, even b4 praise, paula shared her story, it strike agn, even the normal praise song that we sang so many many many times alrdy was so different, blessed be your name. the second song was even harder, it came even stronger.there's no way for me to stop, i just cant. tears rolled, i cried even stronger during worship.
Ps daniel shared a small sharing before his sermon, totally tt strike me again and during his actual sermon, there's nth i can do. everything of me is occupied, He jus spoke so strongly in my heart, in fact all He did was jus tug my heart, my feelings, my thoughts. but tts where all the answers and comfort came. i knelt at His feet, right at the alter, and all of it just came in..i just felt better in every way..He said, "Whoever believes in him is not condemned"John 3:18. He also said,"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13
In all the issues, He gave me His answer, my pride, humanity. He explained insufficiency when i question if anyone can really lack nothing in the world, and the answer wasnt whether one could or could not, but the consequences. He reminded me, in everything, He made it happen no matter sorrow or joy.But He also reminded me He's my comforter, my shelter, my everything and that i can always count on Him.He'll always be here for me right beside me but even so, dun take Him for granted. After which i asked Him how, how shd i go forth from here, how do i surrender everything to Him. He also answered. Keep whts right and give whts wrong to Him. Work everything from the start once again.Be a disciple of Christ, start from the basic.Everything i needed, everything i had, He took them all and delivered me.
And my answer is, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matt 6:21, Luke 12:24. so where my treasure is, my heart will be. and all my treasures isnt the rewards, isnt the title of a champion isnt everything abt that but the friendships and bonds we built. the times we shared. the times we ran sucides and train to the max of our abilities. the times we counted on each other for strength. and thats all that i will play for.tts wht i'll play for this year. and with that, its certains me of all the complicated matters, the politics the problems.
becos He is worthy of me, my everything.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:7.
2nd day of 2010..
Happy new year all..
its a new year..i rmb i use to celebrate happily like when aunt grace is here..we even party on our own with the xmas tree still at a corner, with the telvision switched to channel 5/8 to watch the count down (last tym dun hav channel u yet..) and with our small little keyboard with inbuilt music rhythms inside..though its not like there is a lot of food, alcohol or watever.maybe jus some delivery pizzas..but it was fun..its like we were jus so contented everytime when we get to eat pizzas..we dance like it isnt a dance at all in the hall..we were jus so simply contented, happy and fun..simple life simple thoughts..other times when i grew elder..on the last day of the year..in my heart, there are sounds..i'll ask myself, what have i completed?what have i achieved?what are my goals for next year?such resolutions arises..tgt as i hit youthful days to teenages..countdown began to be celebrated in church..sometimes a little boring but still becos its a new year..there s jus some kind of feeling..some satisfaction, happy, welcoming...not really sure hw to describe though..
well, this time..there isnt any special feelings tt 2010 is here, i din feel lyk hw it was suppose to feel..i din feel glad..i dunno y..and for tis year..i dunno wht to set..dunno wht to expect..dunno wht to do..mayb cos its a transition period..where i shd be considering this year if i shd further study uni or stop here..and if i were to stop..where shd i start working from?outside?for dad?but actually its pretty obvious ryte..even before i graduate..like e past few days..he's alrdy telling me his plans and the things awaiting for me to takeover and organized.like he has it all planned out so doesnt it makes asking such questions redundant?but its also wht headaches me..sometimes i wish im arent part of his plans..like maybe if he hadnt had such plans and i were to plan out everything myself, it wouldnt have been these vexing..but such statements are real hurting isnt it...things seems to have been pathed for me so there shdnt be much to worry abt isnt it?but somehow..im still vexed over these issues..its really a headache..somehow..what im suppose to be feeling isnt wht im experiencing and feeling..
somehow..it jus seems tt 2010 is gonna be tough, long not as enjoyable..like its a gng to be a year that i wouldnt like..such emo statements shdnt b said on e 2nd day of a new year isnt it?
on the other side..relationship issues..haiiz..or maybe i shd end it here..ha..but how shd it end when there isnt a start?how i wish there was..at least there wont be much regrets..so tell me to stop here and go no where further..tell me i shd let a new year be a new beginning..otherwise let what dint started start..impossible isnt it..so stop thinking abt it alrdy pearleen tan..stop thinking and missing..
2nd day of a new year..sounds pretty emo isnt it..haha..
new changes to many things for the 2010..changes can be for the good.it can also be for the worse..but wld one know if its for the good or bad?maybe yes till the outcome happens..wldnt it be too late by then?though i dun really like some of the changes made in bcm..but well..i'll accept it to my best effort..and i'll try my best to give equally much or even more this year than last year..pearleen and amanda..pearleen and amanda..hope pearleen and amanda will end up being good partners...
since the various changes are wanted..i shall not say much too..i suppose somethings need to be observed for a while..need to observe the characteristic of the different newbies in e team..parting w aaron tan is a lil pity..afterall we played with each other for lyk 2-3 years..hmm.. cos partner so long le play tgt also v easy..kind of used to it..of cos u can also say..its time to get out of the comfort zone..as for e rest..shallnt say much..i learnt to keep silent more now..
maybe this year..i shd aim to be a person that ppl will find amiss of cos in a good way when im arent around..i suppose its only then that a person have achieve something in life..? Mayb like things wont seem right when pearleen isnt at bcm or cell or wherever...hopefully then..its not easy too right..?
Though its tough to, though its hardto, though its watever to let God have his will..but Lord..let your will be done in all things..
life has been reports reports reports ica ica ica...hmm..a little busy..i've got lots of shows to pia aft the last report IMC!!...like so many episodes and movies downloaded in the computer waiting for me to watc...
likewise, out of a sudden, again i dun noe wht to blog abt..its church camp 3rd day lo..n im in singapore..how sad..yea not sure y but tis tym theres a realyl strong urge to go for it but its ok...there will be another chance....
life's pretty ironic...i dunno how to describe it..thinking about plans after studies..its another headache..he made it v clear that he wants me in his business..but..how shd i say..
the market has lots to offer...strictly speaking its gng to be experiential...n honestly speaking i dun even have much capabilities..the market can really teach me alot...i was even searching for agencies to sent my resumes in....
so tell me how...tell me how...???y is he always the center of all my troubles and headaches...even though knowing its good..i dunno...enlighten me..
catching up lots lately w my sec clique..jus caught twlight new moon w them..vic phua n darren...though 1/4 e show i din quite get it..haha..its really fun jus hanging out w them..there is a v significant difference between gng out w them vs gng w cell vs gng out w e others...they are e frens i really wanna keep for life..hope so :)
tis damn gastric is killing me...
i miss you..its getting terrible lately..missing you always..
alrighty...up for new posts..
well..i dun really know wht to post out of a sudden..but as i was reading my previous a moment ago, i realized the most impt thing tt i was set out to do initially wasnt completed or i shd say carried out..somehow it was jus forgotten..Pearleen, its time to get things working..argh...sianz..
sch's started for 2 wks alrdy..the list of work to b done is pilling up but everytime when i get home sit in front of my table, im jus not in the right place n time to study or complete those tutorials n ICAs...i suppose it wouldnt work at home..i need to find places outside to get my tutorials done..i cant do it in church tmr cos its Xplosive outing...Pearleen really needs to get going!
this week hasnt been really smooth..but everything worked out fine at least today's better...im beginning to feel life's lyk a routine and im tired sicked of these routine lifestyles...life shd really b more sparking n meaningful! but wht can be done? i dunno...
COngrats to those on holidays right now! well..enjoy them..dun end up workin miserabe n enjoyed nothing..work also mus finda good place to...i'll learn to control my life..
Bethel Assembly of God
Bethel Children Ministry
Bethel Youth Alive
He'll Stay Close You And Is Your Best Friend!
"Faith is a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"